I was bullied in elementary school. Yep! That’s right! I’m starting this off with that confession and it took me almost two decades to finally confide in a friend who was also bullied. That’s when we realized something: I was bullied for something that WASN’T EVEN TRUE!
Okay, so read this next confession very carefully: In elementary school, some of the kids would call me a variety of terms for “stupid” and steal my homework. Did you catch something weird about that statement? Read it again word-for-word very slowly. It doesn’t make sense! I spent years sensitive to “stupid” jokes because I had convinced myself they were true, even though I was an “A/B student” and was enrolled in Honors classes! So how on Earth did I allow a bunch of snot nosed brats convince me that I was stupid!? Especially when they were using MY homework to copy from! Short answer: they were targeting my “reaction”, not my “intelligence”. They were redefining and challenging my worth.
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Take a moment to ask yourself how many times you have said something like this recently:
And the list goes on…
Now think carefully: who defined this limit for you? When we were toddlers, we believed that we were invincible and were ready to explore the world with our wobbly legs and tiny grabby hands. As we grow older, we allow friends, family, neighbors, teachers, coworkers, employers, books/magazines, and even social media to define our worth. We are better than that whenever we step back and analyze how far we have grown from when we could barely form words from our blabby baby mouths!
It requires us to “willingly” pick at our deepest vulnerabilities as if we are pouring strong disinfectant on an already painful open wound. But guess what? That’s where the healing begins. If we allow the infection of negativity to sit on our hearts and corrupt our minds, then there’s little hope for improvement. If we take a deep breath and acknowledge that we’re worth many times more than what the world had deemed us as, we develop aspiration for improvements.
This won’t be an easy task. Either sit down with a trusted friend or alone with a sheet of paper and ask yourself these questions:
From being called stupid in my youth, I grew angry and self-conscious around the kids in my class. I told myself that if I just stayed quiet and let the kids do what they wanted, I wouldn’t be targeted so much. This led to me being pushed around a lot, but I was convinced that it was “safer this way”. This in turn built up a lot of self-doubt and self-loathing that I wasn’t strong enough to protect myself.
I’m still mostly quiet and self-conscious of speaking too much in fear that I would be labeled as stupid for saying the wrong words. Now imagine my dumbstruck horror when I saw in my sophomore year that my track coach had my schedule altered to enroll me in his Public Speaking class! NOOOOOOOO!! I had NEVER been so terrified of a class elective! I took Honors classes!! I’m not exaggerating when I say that I BROKE DOWN CRYING and begged to have my schedule changed! My coach wasn’t having it. He somehow miraculously saw that I had a desire to speak but was too afraid to do it on my own.
I’m glad my schedule was changed now. My coach took me under his wing ( both in class and during track meets) and showed me that it’s okay to have my own voice. It’s okay to speak up.
Because of that small change, I had the courage to join the military. I had the courage to volunteer to lead marching cadences (which requires a very LOUD voice). I had the courage to lead training sessions. And I had the courage to stand up for moments that were unfair towards my trainees and fellow shipmates.
It takes a lot of discomfort to confront the things that hurt and angers us the most, but we can break those short chains the world has bound us to. Talk to a friend, write it down, or even message me if you wish. Let’s work towards redefining our worth! Learning from mistakes will be worth it!
Like, share on social media, or leave a comment if you found this helpful, subscribe for more stories, and remember to live life one story at a time!
Take care,
Kyndall Bennett from Kyrabe Stories
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This is some great advice! It is absolutely astounding how much our own self talk can either hurt or heal.
Thank you, Jacklynn! Our minds are powerful tools that can either help us conquer unfavorable odds or break us down immediately. I truly hope that others will find the mental strength to increase their own self worth!
I'm so happy you had a coach astute enough to push you out of your comfort zone! What a powerful change you experienced! Very moving post.
Thank you, Malia! I wish I had known then how much of an impact his lessons would be as I got older. I probably would have asked more questions!
What an interesting post! I'd usually have to pay a couple of hundred dollars to a therapist to inspire me to reflect so deeply on myself. Thanks for the inspiration to do just that.
Finding others to help you stay on a upward path is still a good way to invest in yourself. I'm always willing to share my two cents, but even I am still seeking out advice from others to help me continue to grow! ?
Hi: This is a great article. It has only been in recent years that I have stopped letting others define my worth. BTW, great blog.
Thank you, Heather! At least you did, no matter how recently! Many people go their whole lives listening to what others have said. You managed to break free from that, so great job! I hope you continue to grow stronger from it!
Sorry this happened to you! Kids are brats for sure.
Yeah they are! It's okay now. Even though I let it bug me for years, now I'm able to share my experiences to help others. I wouldn't have this opportunity if I wasn't placed in the situation then, so I guess it worked out! ?
Being bullied is a hard thing for young kids. Proud of you for sharing and giving advice to others.
Thank you, Jamie. It's such a psychological game that always end with someone getting hurt. If those who are targeted can learn to understand that they are worth a lot more than what others say, it's strips away the delusional power that most bullies think they have. It's just a challenge to teach this lesson whenever someone is already hurting.
Hey, shipmate! I was bullied in high school, too. And then after an awesome career in the Navy, I was bullied at my last duty station. Only to be bullied and harassed by the VA after becoming a whistleblower. I know the pain. It's not easy at any age. However, we can choose to heal and move beyond that pain.
Military was a whole new level of frustration, especially as a female in a predominately male rate. I'm proud of you for keeping your head held high! You're right. It's not easy, even as an adult. It's just sad that many people never outgrow that ignorant mindset of thinking that dominance will get them anywhere. If anything, it's one day going to get them thrown overboard probably...
I took my first public speaking class in college and it may have been the most terrifying class I ever took!
Lol, I feel you on that! In college, I found an online version called "Communications" that required us to record our speeches since many interviews were moving towards video chat. I thought I had found an easy break until I have to watch my submissions and analyze everyone's critiques! It helped a lot to see where my mistakes were, but OMG it was mentally painful having to witness how awkward I was in videos!
A very enlightening post! I loved it. Courage comes in many forms; to stand up and face our self doubts takes large amounts of courage and you should be proud. The bullying and putting down of others is something I have never understood as a parent and struggled as my daughter was growing up and how to teach her to get past it and never be a part of it. I guess I did something right because she sailed through, is extremely confident in herself, and sticks up for the underdog. Great job on the posts and thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Nikki! And I have to say that I am super proud of your daughter for sticking up for people! From your teachings, I believe that she will grow up to be a wonderful leader!
? Thank you, Susan! I wish I understood the power of encouragement when I was younger. Instead, I hid away to avoid being a target. It takes wonderful people like you to help build people to understand that they are worth way more than what our societies have defined for us! Thank you for that!