I was bullied in elementary school. Yep! That’s right! I’m starting this off with that confession and it took me almost two decades to finally confide in a friend who was also bullied. That’s when we realized something: I was bullied for something that WASN’T EVEN TRUE!
Okay, so read this next confession very carefully: In elementary school, some of the kids would call me a variety of terms for “stupid” and steal my homework. Did you catch something weird about that statement? Read it again word-for-word very slowly. It doesn’t make sense! I spent years sensitive to “stupid” jokes because I had convinced myself they were true, even though I was an “A/B student” and was enrolled in Honors classes! So how on Earth did I allow a bunch of snot nosed brats convince me that I was stupid!? Especially when they were using MY homework to copy from! Short answer: they were targeting my “reaction”, not my “intelligence”. They were redefining and challenging my worth.
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Take a moment to ask yourself how many times you have said something like this recently:
And the list goes on…
Now think carefully: who defined this limit for you? When we were toddlers, we believed that we were invincible and were ready to explore the world with our wobbly legs and tiny grabby hands. As we grow older, we allow friends, family, neighbors, teachers, coworkers, employers, books/magazines, and even social media to define our worth. We are better than that whenever we step back and analyze how far we have grown from when we could barely form words from our blabby baby mouths!
It requires us to “willingly” pick at our deepest vulnerabilities as if we are pouring strong disinfectant on an already painful open wound. But guess what? That’s where the healing begins. If we allow the infection of negativity to sit on our hearts and corrupt our minds, then there’s little hope for improvement. If we take a deep breath and acknowledge that we’re worth many times more than what the world had deemed us as, we develop aspiration for improvements.
This won’t be an easy task. Either sit down with a trusted friend or alone with a sheet of paper and ask yourself these questions:
From being called stupid in my youth, I grew angry and self-conscious around the kids in my class. I told myself that if I just stayed quiet and let the kids do what they wanted, I wouldn’t be targeted so much. This led to me being pushed around a lot, but I was convinced that it was “safer this way”. This in turn built up a lot of self-doubt and self-loathing that I wasn’t strong enough to protect myself.
I’m still mostly quiet and self-conscious of speaking too much in fear that I would be labeled as stupid for saying the wrong words. Now imagine my dumbstruck horror when I saw in my sophomore year that my track coach had my schedule altered to enroll me in his Public Speaking class! NOOOOOOOO!! I had NEVER been so terrified of a class elective! I took Honors classes!! I’m not exaggerating when I say that I BROKE DOWN CRYING and begged to have my schedule changed! My coach wasn’t having it. He somehow miraculously saw that I had a desire to speak but was too afraid to do it on my own.
I’m glad my schedule was changed now. My coach took me under his wing ( both in class and during track meets) and showed me that it’s okay to have my own voice. It’s okay to speak up.
Because of that small change, I had the courage to join the military. I had the courage to volunteer to lead marching cadences (which requires a very LOUD voice). I had the courage to lead training sessions. And I had the courage to stand up for moments that were unfair towards my trainees and fellow shipmates.
It takes a lot of discomfort to confront the things that hurt and angers us the most, but we can break those short chains the world has bound us to. Talk to a friend, write it down, or even message me if you wish. Let’s work towards redefining our worth! Learning from mistakes will be worth it!
Like, share on social media, or leave a comment if you found this helpful, subscribe for more stories, and remember to live life one story at a time!
Take care,
Kyndall Bennett from Kyrabe Stories
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Great lesson! I was bullied for a similar reason growing up. I was quiet and liked to keep to myself. Can you believe it? Being made fun of because I didn't talk to people!
? People of various ages will find petty reasons to make themselves feel important!
Thank for being so vulnerable in sharing your story! You're so right...when we take the time to do the painful work of picking apart those limiting beliefs, we can start to move past them.
Thank you, Sharon! What's even crazier is that once we confront the things that have hurt us the most, many times it becomes clear that the issue was never with us but with the negative party!
really poignant questions. Not easily answered. I ran into a situation just this morning... Really good questions to sit and think on.
Hi, Jen! I hope that you were able to discover a peaceful solution to your challenges. I admit that the questions are definitely hard to answer at times. I tend to type out my answers, walk away for a while, then return back later to read what I typed. If I'm still upset, I'll add to the file until I've transferred most of my negativity out. If needed, I'll have my fiance read over it so that he knows why I'm in a bad mood (I tend to have a hard time speaking when I'm upset).
I'm so sorry you had to go through that but I know you're who you are today because of it. Thanks for the great advice!!
Thank you. It was an aggravating learning experience, but I'm grateful that I now have the opportunity to help others due to that experience. ❤
Self talk is huge. I think especially as women. I'm working on it all the time.
It's interesting. When I took Anthropology back in college, we saw that women in many cultures normally grew up in an environment that discouraged them from being too "out-spoken", pretty much "be seen not heard." This included if they had brothers or male family members in the house. Hopefully, this changes within generations to come.
t takes a lot of discomfort to confront the things that hurt and angers us the most INDEED but well worth the outcome...
Yep! At first, I used to cry any time I tried to talk about it. It's like trying to disinfect an open wound. ?
I’m so glad you broke free. You are not alone. So much of who we think we are comes from childhood and other people defining us. It’s very freeing to throw off all definitions and descriptions and figure out who we are and what we are here to do. Bless your coach for seeing the real you!
Thank you, Cindy! That is so true too! It's understandable to want our family and loved ones to feel proud of us, but we cannot let their expectations define who we desire to be. ? I'll have to see if he's still teaching so that I can give him a big hug!
I had a teacher like that in fifth grade ~ saw the stuff I was enduring and going through at home and at school and found a way to nurture a talent she saw in me that became a huge part of who I am even now. She took me under her wing and showed me that someone did care and saw more than I thought they saw. Great story - thanks for sharing it with me.
I am super grateful for your teacher! I wish we had more leaders like that to help strengthen us. It can be hard to see our own worth if we are consistently surrounded by negativity.
Very personal and meaningful! Thank you for sharing this.
? Thank you, Karla, for checking it out!
Very important message here, especially for young people who are still figuring out who they are. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you! With the continuous updates in technology, I hope that the next generations learn to stay strong. Online harassment can be just as dangerous. ?