I was bullied in elementary school. Yep! That’s right! I’m starting this off with that confession and it took me almost two decades to finally confide in a friend who was also bullied. That’s when we realized something: I was bullied for something that WASN’T EVEN TRUE!
Okay, so read this next confession very carefully: In elementary school, some of the kids would call me a variety of terms for “stupid” and steal my homework. Did you catch something weird about that statement? Read it again word-for-word very slowly. It doesn’t make sense! I spent years sensitive to “stupid” jokes because I had convinced myself they were true, even though I was an “A/B student” and was enrolled in Honors classes! So how on Earth did I allow a bunch of snot nosed brats convince me that I was stupid!? Especially when they were using MY homework to copy from! Short answer: they were targeting my “reaction”, not my “intelligence”. They were redefining and challenging my worth.
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We go through life letting others define our worth when all they want is to see us either give up or break from the pressure .
Take a moment to ask yourself how many times you have said something like this recently:
- I don’t think I’m smart enough.
- I’m not pretty/handsome/attractive enough.
- Am I skinny/curvy/muscular/fit enough?
- I’m not brave enough.
- I’m not talented enough.
- Maybe I’m just not good enough.
And the list goes on…
Now think carefully: who defined this limit for you? When we were toddlers, we believed that we were invincible and were ready to explore the world with our wobbly legs and tiny grabby hands. As we grow older, we allow friends, family, neighbors, teachers, coworkers, employers, books/magazines, and even social media to define our worth. We are better than that whenever we step back and analyze how far we have grown from when we could barely form words from our blabby baby mouths!
It’s not easy to confront the things we are self-conscious about.
It requires us to “willingly” pick at our deepest vulnerabilities as if we are pouring strong disinfectant on an already painful open wound. But guess what? That’s where the healing begins. If we allow the infection of negativity to sit on our hearts and corrupt our minds, then there’s little hope for improvement. If we take a deep breath and acknowledge that we’re worth many times more than what the world had deemed us as, we develop
This won’t be an easy task. E
- What angered/upset me a lot in the past or recently?
- Why did it anger/upset me?
- From this event, what limitations have I set upon myself (based on the earlier questions) that possibly shouldn’t be there?
- What can I do to break these limitations? (this will be the hardest to honestly answer)
Here’s a personal example:
From being called stupid in my youth, I grew angry and self-conscious around the kids in my class. I told myself that if I just stayed quiet and let the kids do what they wanted, I wouldn’t be targeted so much. This led to me being pushed around a lot, but I was convinced that it was “safer this way”. This in turn built up a lot of self-doubt and self-loathing that I wasn’t strong enough to protect myself.
Fast forward to high school.
I’m still mostly quiet and self-conscious of speaking too much in fear that I would be labeled as stupid for saying the wrong words. Now imagine my dumbstruck horror when I saw in my sophomore year that my track coach had my schedule altered to enroll me in his Public Speaking class! NOOOOOOOO!! I had NEVER been so terrified of a class elective! I took Honors classes!! I’m not exaggerating when I say that I BROKE DOWN CRYING and begged to have my schedule changed! My coach wasn’t having it. He somehow miraculously saw that I had a desire to speak but was too afraid to do it on my own.
I’m glad my schedule was changed now. My coach took me under his wing ( both in class and during track meets) and showed me that it’s okay to have my own voice. It’s okay to speak up.
It’s impossible to please everyone, but those who truly care will stick close by.
Because of that small change, I had the courage to join the military. I had the courage to volunteer to lead marching cadences (which requires a very LOUD voice). I had the courage to lead training sessions. And I had the courage to stand up for moments that were unfair towards my trainees and fellow shipmates.
It takes a lot of discomfort to confront the things that hurt and angers us the most, but we can break those short chains the world has bound us to. Talk to a friend, write it down, or even message me if you wish. Let’s work towards redefining our worth! Learning from mistakes will be worth it!
Like, share on social media, or leave a comment if you found this helpful, subscribe for more stories, and remember to live life one story at a time!
Take care,
Kyndall Bennett from Kyrabe Stories
This is some great advice! It is absolutely astounding how much our own self talk can either hurt or heal.
Thank you, Jacklynn! Our minds are powerful tools that can either help us conquer unfavorable odds or break us down immediately. I truly hope that others will find the mental strength to increase their own self worth!
I’m so happy you had a coach astute enough to push you out of your comfort zone! What a powerful change you experienced! Very moving post.
Thank you, Malia! I wish I had known then how much of an impact his lessons would be as I got older. I probably would have asked more questions!
What an interesting post! I’d usually have to pay a couple of hundred dollars to a therapist to inspire me to reflect so deeply on myself. Thanks for the inspiration to do just that.
Finding others to help you stay on a upward path is still a good way to invest in yourself. I’m always willing to share my two cents, but even I am still seeking out advice from others to help me continue to grow! ?
Hi: This is a great article. It has only been in recent years that I have stopped letting others define my worth. BTW, great blog.
Thank you, Heather! At least you did, no matter how recently! Many people go their whole lives listening to what others have said. You managed to break free from that, so great job! I hope you continue to grow stronger from it!
Sorry this happened to you! Kids are brats for sure.
Yeah they are! It’s okay now. Even though I let it bug me for years, now I’m able to share my experiences to help others. I wouldn’t have this opportunity if I wasn’t placed in the situation then, so I guess it worked out! ?
Being bullied is a hard thing for young kids. Proud of you for sharing and giving advice to others.
Thank you, Jamie. It’s such a psychological game that always end with someone getting hurt. If those who are targeted can learn to understand that they are worth a lot more than what others say, it’s strips away the delusional power that most bullies think they have. It’s just a challenge to teach this lesson whenever someone is already hurting.
Hey, shipmate! I was bullied in high school, too. And then after an awesome career in the Navy, I was bullied at my last duty station. Only to be bullied and harassed by the VA after becoming a whistleblower. I know the pain. It’s not easy at any age. However, we can choose to heal and move beyond that pain.
Military was a whole new level of frustration, especially as a female in a predominately male rate. I’m proud of you for keeping your head held high! You’re right. It’s not easy, even as an adult. It’s just sad that many people never outgrow that ignorant mindset of thinking that dominance will get them anywhere. If anything, it’s one day going to get them thrown overboard probably…
I took my first public speaking class in college and it may have been the most terrifying class I ever took!
Lol, I feel you on that! In college, I found an online version called “Communications” that required us to record our speeches since many interviews were moving towards video chat. I thought I had found an easy break until I have to watch my submissions and analyze everyone’s critiques! It helped a lot to see where my mistakes were, but OMG it was mentally painful having to witness how awkward I was in videos!
A very enlightening post! I loved it. Courage comes in many forms; to stand up and face our self doubts takes large amounts of courage and you should be proud. The bullying and putting down of others is something I have never understood as a parent and struggled as my daughter was growing up and how to teach her to get past it and never be a part of it. I guess I did something right because she sailed through, is extremely confident in herself, and sticks up for the underdog. Great job on the posts and thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Nikki! And I have to say that I am super proud of your daughter for sticking up for people! From your teachings, I believe that she will grow up to be a wonderful leader!
? Thank you, Susan! I wish I understood the power of encouragement when I was younger. Instead, I hid away to avoid being a target. It takes wonderful people like you to help build people to understand that they are worth way more than what our societies have defined for us! Thank you for that!
What a powerful, thought- provoking post! If only we could all learn to trust and believe in ourselves
As many bright minded people we have in this world, there’s no telling what positive changes could occur if only that self-confidence could flourish.
My younger self actually took it heart but my older self doesn’t care what others think! We can’t possibly please or be liked by everyone!
Very true, Joanne! ? I wish I understood that when I was younger! I don’t even remember the names of most of the people I went to school with but the few that made me happy I still talk to today! It’s a waste of so much time and frustration to try to please everyone because a lot of people will go out of their way to be difficult just for the heck of being difficult!
Such an awesome post. I was constantly told when I was younger that I wasn’t good enough, was fat, was ugly, etc. It has done a real number on me as an adult! My children are currently being bullied at school and i do not want the same thing to happen to them!! I am in the process of changing their school so they can get a fresh start and HOPEFULLY not learn to take these words in and store them!
Thank you, Katie! I do believe that as kids grow older, it becomes more difficult for parents to be the primary encouragement since the parents are “expected” to be the biggest believers in their children. I think this is where external role-models play an important role. Even though I wasn’t much of a DC fan growing up, I loved seeing Halle Berry play Storm because she was a strong black heroine! Whatever your kids decide to be, I believe that it’s very important to expose them to people who are like them that are doing what they want to do, whether it’s a short actress or a female scientist or a curvy dancer! It’s important for all of us at any given age to understand that our uniqueness aren’t burdens but key opportunities to do something worth while!
This spoke to me sooo much! It’s crazy how we can be “conditioned” from a young age by others to believe things that we wouldn’t naturally think about ourselves. Then that negativity just grows out of control. I was really encouraged by this post and am so glad for how things turned out for you!
Thank you, Robin! It took many years for me to have the courage to share stories like this, but it makes me super happy to know that these stories are capable of encouraging others now!
Wow! What an amazing story and so true. I can relate since I was bullied in grade school… married a mentally abusive husband… the list goes on. I kept to myself as you explained. Now this all makes sense. I’m terrified of speaking now (unless I am teaching pastry arts) and have severe anxiety of being in front of my military unit. LOL…. I must hide it pretty well, as no one ever notices. What did your coach do to help you get through this?
My coach noticed that I would isolate myself from other students, both in class and at track meets. He helped me understand the importance of feeling confident in myself first by sharing stories of others who struggled with the same thing. Whether the stories were true or not, I don’t know, but it helped me feel better to believe that I wasn’t alone with my issues. In the public speaking course that he so generously forced me to take, we had to write out things that we wanted to accomplish and our opinions on certain current matters, then we would take turns reading them out-loud. He fortunately gave us the option to read at our desk if we preferred, so that’s what I did at first. Granted, he had to tell me to speak up MANY times then eventually threatened to make me stand up at the front of the class if I didn’t increase the volume (that did the trick). As frightening as it was at first, I later learned that he was training us to voice our opinions and ideas by writing out our thoughts first. It still took me MANY years to get used to confidently speaking my mind, but I believe that his guidance gave me a better chance of surviving the military after graduation. Tough love goes a long way!
Great post! Something I need to share with my sister.
Thank you, Yolanda! I hope your sister finds it helpful too!
Such a touching story! I can completely relate! Thank you for being vulnerable to show us the next steps to healing from some of those long-formed limiting beliefs.
Thank you for your kind words, Sharon! I wish I didn’t spend so many years fearing to speak up, but from posts like yours, I’m glad that sharing these stories will hopefully bring more positivity!
So glad you came to realize your worth and potential! So many people out there who let bullies define who they are. Adults and children alike.
? That is so true, and it doesn’t even stop there. With our nearly unlimited access to resources on the internet and TV shows, it’s so easy to allow others’ expectations to define who we should be.
Sometimes feel inadequate about writing. It takes some work to feel successful.
Be proud that you’ve even started to write! Many people “talk” about wanting to start writing then allow what others say to keep them from even trying! No matter how iffy our writing might be today, study the writing styles that you admire, keep reading topics of interest, focus on crafting your own style, then each year will come with improved experience of your storytelling skills! Nobody gets 5+ years of experience without starting with that first rough day on the job! ❤
Thank you for sharing your experiences. There is often no one who is ‘meaner’ to us than we can be to ourselves – the way we talk to ourselves is shaped by our experiences and has such an impact. I admire your courage!
Thank you, Angelina, and you are so right! Our words become our reality! We can’t expect many others to have confidence in us whenever we struggle to have confidence in ourselves. It’s hard to challenge the world’s expectation of us, but it’ll be well worth it once we can see our own value!
I used to care a lot about what others said or thought of me and to a certain point I let that define me for a while. I thank God for putting the right people in my life that helped me mature and see that my worth has nothing to do with other people. I love this post, it is much needed now days.
^_^ I’m grateful for the people in your life that helped you love yourself apologetically, Carolina! Never lose that!
“girl PREACH!!! It’s like you and I lived the same getting picked on and bullied lifestyle and I did let it define me for so long and am now set free and all I want to do is preach the anti bullying gospel and to remind people they are beautiful and wonderful just how God made them! So, I will start with you! You are all things beautiful and wonderful, just for coming forward girl! Stand proud and tall! ?”
Thank you, Susan! I’m glad that there are others speaking out about this as well. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that bullying will stop since there will always be envy and pride in the world, but one thing we can do is provide the knowledge on how to overcome those challenges!
Very insightful and courageous to share your story. Kids can be so cruel sometimes to the point of making others believe lies about themselves, just like you did. So glad you’ve discovered you are brilliantly you and are going on to chase your dreams!
Thank you, Leigh Ann! It’s even more encouraging to see comments like yours! It’s motivation to keep trying harder!
Very good post and so very true. It’s funny because I love speaking in public to a crowd. But for me it is difficult to just go into a small group. I agree though, we need to push forward, and work to improve, change, and write a different story for ourselves.
That is interesting! Most people I meet hate the crowd part! At least you’re able to share recommendations for confidently speaking to a crowd! I think that’s a rarer talent to have. ?
Great post! It’s so great to have a coach that was able to see your potential and forced you out of of your comfort zone.
Thank you! I wish I had known then what impact his guidance would have. I think I would have been a lot more appreciative of his tactics back then.
Words have power, especially those we tell ourselves. Self-worth is a work in progress…always. Thanks so much for bringing this to attention!
Thank you for your time on this post! You’re right. Defining our self-worth is constantly a work-in-progress. It’s hard starting out, but it’ll be worth seeing ourselves shine later on.
You are so vunerable here. In your vulnerability, you are teaching and inspiring others. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for reading it, Jenny! I’m glad that my vulnerabilities aren’t solely weaknesses but assets to help inspire others to push through hard times. ?
Hello! Rave reviews on your post! This is a subject we need to continue to educate our youth and and even us ‘grown’ adults. I still harbor some negative feelings towards a few bullies from junior high school!
Thank you for such a positive review, Theresa! And that’s understandable. I once heard a saying that the best revenge on someone is to prove them wrong! Keep learning and keep growing, and the ones in Junior High will see that they targeted the wrong individual, whether they’ll admit it or not! ?
great story and a wonderful way to relate and define reality
Thank you so much, Judean!
I was bullied because I was smart. A chain if events led me to somehow falling in with popular pretty girls who made me have a voice. Great read.
Hi, Pauline! For some reason, smart brains seem to attract dumb actions from others. I’m grateful that you were able to find your own voice!
Very important message here, especially for young people who are still figuring out who they are. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you! With the continuous updates in technology, I hope that the next generations learn to stay strong. Online harassment can be just as dangerous. ?
Very personal and meaningful! Thank you for sharing this.
? Thank you, Karla, for checking it out!
I had a teacher like that in fifth grade ~ saw the stuff I was enduring and going through at home and at school and found a way to nurture a talent she saw in me that became a huge part of who I am even now. She took me under her wing and showed me that someone did care and saw more than I thought they saw. Great story – thanks for sharing it with me.
I am super grateful for your teacher! I wish we had more leaders like that to help strengthen us. It can be hard to see our own worth if we are consistently surrounded by negativity.
I’m so glad you broke free. You are not alone. So much of who we think we are comes from childhood and other people defining us. It’s very freeing to throw off all definitions and descriptions and figure out who we are and what we are here to do. Bless your coach for seeing the real you!
Thank you, Cindy! That is so true too! It’s understandable to want our family and loved ones to feel proud of us, but we cannot let their expectations define who we desire to be. ? I’ll have to see if he’s still teaching so that I can give him a big hug!
t takes a lot of discomfort to confront the things that hurt and angers us the most INDEED but well worth the outcome…
Yep! At first, I used to cry any time I tried to talk about it. It’s like trying to disinfect an open wound. ?
Self talk is huge. I think especially as women. I’m working on it all the time.
It’s interesting. When I took Anthropology back in college, we saw that women in many cultures normally grew up in an environment that discouraged them from being too “out-spoken”, pretty much “be seen not heard.” This included if they had brothers or male family members in the house. Hopefully, this changes within generations to come.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that but I know you’re who you are today because of it. Thanks for the great advice!!
Thank you. It was an aggravating learning experience, but I’m grateful that I now have the opportunity to help others due to that experience. ❤
really poignant questions. Not easily answered. I ran into a situation just this morning… Really good questions to sit and think on.
Hi, Jen! I hope that you were able to discover a peaceful solution to your challenges. I admit that the questions are definitely hard to answer at times. I tend to type out my answers, walk away for a while, then return back later to read what I typed. If I’m still upset, I’ll add to the file until I’ve transferred most of my negativity out. If needed, I’ll have my fiance read over it so that he knows why I’m in a bad mood (I tend to have a hard time speaking when I’m upset).
Thank for being so vulnerable in sharing your story! You’re so right…when we take the time to do the painful work of picking apart those limiting beliefs, we can start to move past them.
Thank you, Sharon! What’s even crazier is that once we confront the things that have hurt us the most, many times it becomes clear that the issue was never with us but with the negative party!
Great lesson! I was bullied for a similar reason growing up. I was quiet and liked to keep to myself. Can you believe it? Being made fun of because I didn’t talk to people!
? People of various ages will find petty reasons to make themselves feel important!
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