Book Review – Choosing Joy – Alzheimer’s: A Book of Hope by Helene Berger

Dealing with a sudden life change is never easy, and it hurts more whenever we see it affect someone that we dearly love. In “Choosing Joy – Alzheimer’s: A Book of Hope”, what I loved about Helene Berger’s journey through helping her late husband through Alzheimer’s disease is that she full-heartedly documented ways to positively help the one we’re caring for, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. It’s common to find “warnings” in books, online, the doctor’s office, and from friends on what to expect and to mentally accept from someone who has developed Alzheimer’s, but just because many of these actions might eventually occur does not mean that we have to blindly allow these changes to develop into irreversible habits.  

Many thanks to Smith Publicity Inc. for sending me this book to read. Although this was a free gift, the opinions are mine. This post may also have affiliate links, meaning that if you participate in some of the opportunities, we at Kyrabe Stories might receive a small commission as thanks. Thank you for your loving support and for your strong desire to learn.

Did you know?

According to the annual report released by the Alzheimer’s Association, at least “5.8 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s disease.”  There is a high probability that you either know someone with the disease (without realizing it) or have a friend who knows of someone. Here are some lessons that I found from the pages and examples of why I highly recommend giving this book a read. Regardless of if you are currently caring for an Alzheimer’s patient, if you are curious about how to care for a patient, this book is a heart-warming guide to help you and your loved one find hope within your situation. The quotes below were a challenge to narrow down to just a few, so this is just a small portion of the loving advice to expect from “Choosing Joy – Alzheimer’s: A Book of Hope.” 

“A brain blocked by anger and frustration cannot function at an optimal level. A peaceful, predictable, non-combative environment creates the opportunity for inner calm and healing.” page 5

We are natural arguers, sometimes without even realizing it. We can also be forgetful creatures, more so with someone that has Alzheimer’s. Increased tension will help no one, so try to be the one to find common ground. Be the peacemaker, both for the patient and for yourself.  

“None of our lives are free of pain and problems. But we can choose to live as fully and happily as our health and outlook allows, and this I was determined to do.” page 13

We cannot control what life throws at us. We cannot predict unfortunate events. One thing we can do is choose how we’re going to handle it. Are we going to lie down and accept defeat as the struggles pile upon our shoulders? Or are we going to prepare for battle and rally our allies to help us overcome those challenges? Our mindsets are one of our strongest weapons. If we choose to find hope within dark times, then we WILL find it. 

“When we cannot change the facts, we experience useless anger until we accept them – and a sense of calm when we do.” page 49

Denial helps no one, especially when it is towards a loved one’s condition. When we deny the truth, we shut down any possible options toward a solution. I mean, why fix something that we do not believe is broken? When we’re faced with unfortunate news, the first step to healing is acceptance. We cannot change the past, but we can make the best of what we have to create a better future for those around us and for ourselves. 

For this, Helene also wisely pointed out that “if you are fortunate enough to make peace with the circumstances you are in, you can use that energy, instead of fighting your fate, to become creative in building a supportive world for your loved one. We may not be able to change the reality we are faced with, but we do have control over the perspective we choose to bring to it.”  page 53 

“Every experience, even a negative one, is an opportunity to learn.” page 180

No matter what our goals or challenges are, we’re going to make mistakes! It’s unavoidable. We are human. We are imperfect. With every mistake that we are bound to make, turn it into a learning opportunity. Instead of dwelling on what we should have done then, focus on accomplishing those fixes next time. You are not a horrible person for not knowing or understanding something. Take the lesson kindly to heart and let it develop you into a more incredible individual! 

“When a setback comes, by all means take whatever spare moments you need to grieve for the loss, but never lose sight of the goal.” page 183

We know that we must stay strong for our loved ones, but even machines break down if they’re not given a moment to cool off and rest. If there is a setback, whether your loved one has encountered a decline or more challenges arise, take a moment to either find somewhere private or find a trustworthy person to confide to, and allow for that sadness, anger, and frustration to freely flow outward.

I am guilty of trying to hold my negative emotions inside in fear of hurting a loved one, but once those negative emotions finally built up to petty annoyances over the tiniest of things, I’ve ended up blowing up on a loved one and possibly caused more damaged than I would have just from sharing my troubles from the beginning.

You don’t have to remain strong 24 hours, 7 days week, all year round. You are allowed to have your weak moments. You NEED to have your resting points. If there’s a setback, allow yourself to express your emotions in a safe environment, then carry on with the battle. 

Final thoughts

To be honest, I knew a little bit about Alzheimer’s disease, but I did not have a clear understanding of how big a change it can have on many lives. I’ve seen cases of what to look out for in an Alzheimer’s patient, but I truly appreciate the careful positive analysis within “Choosing Joy – Alzheimer’s: A Book of Hope” on ways to truly help your loved one make small gradual improvements – yes, IMPROVEMENTS. To finish off this book recommendation, I want to add one of my top favorite advice from this amazing guide: 

“We make our own reality. We can dread the power of the sea or plunge into it. We can long for the past or live fully in the present. We can succumb to self-pity or appreciate the goodness in our lives. We can bury ourselves in a dark hole or remember that the sun is still shining, the flowers are blooming, and there are people who care about us. We can, while feeling the pain of watching a loved one decline, still give ourselves permission to experience and embrace joy. Our reality is ours to make.” Page 175

I read this passage a few times over and knew that it had to go into this post. Whatever you or a loved one is going through, be it Alzheimer’s disease, family or relationship issues, career challenges, or even just life itself, we have to claim the power to form a positive reality. We cannot control what life throws at us, but we can choose how we will allow it to affect our mentality. As the book title recommends, we have to choose joy and to find hope within the darkest of times.

Now let’s hear from you.

Do you have a loved one who has Alzheimer’s? In what ways have you been able to help them overcome their challenges? What challenges have you had to overcome? Share your story below in the comments. 

And as always, please remember to live your life one story at a time. 

Take care,

 Kyndall Bennett from Kyrabe Stories 

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